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Dubba-Dubba, Cha!

Making friends in the studio.

It is not always easy to communicate your ideas with fellow musicians. So when the following transcript fell into our hands, we thought it a perfect opportunity to show how the PROFESSIONALS do it... the difference a PRODUCER can make.

A: It's a **** number one, it is, whether you think so or not. That is a **** number one. If that **** don't go, I **** retire, I do.

B: I agree it is a good song.

A: But it **** well won't be unless we spend a little bit of **** thought and imagination to **** make it a **** number one. You gotta put a little bit of fairy dust over the ****, you know.

B: So we'll put some fairy dust over it — I'll **** over the tapes. I know it needs strings, that I do know. Right?

A: And it needs something at the beginning of that number to make somebody remember it.

Eng: While we're arguing here we could be trying to get some sound out there. So what do you suggest, give it up for the night?

B: No, not at all, I don't say give it up. I'll stay here till tomorrow night.

Eng: We've got one, two, three, four, five, about six producers in here tonight. And because we haven't got a producer we're all pitching in ideas, most of them are wrong, you know.

B: Well we always do that.

Eng: We haven't got a producer, we were supposed to have a **** producer.

B: If we had faith in him, and we'd know whether we had faith in him within the first **** half an hour...

C: Did you do exactly what Larry Page said?

All: Yep!

B: Because there was just one **** mind on it, not **** seven or eight.

A: We didn't even get a say in it. It was wham, in the can, regardless.

D: You reckon that was bad? **** me, he used to, you know, one take, finished. We'd say: "Er, er..." You never had a **** say in it, it was out.

B: 'A Girl Like You' was **** terrible, and we said let's come in and do it again. And that was the only **** time he let us ****...

D: Have our way...

B: Have our way, and could we get anything better? ****... the first thing he did was IT...

A: We were in there all **** day, we were in there at 9 o'clock, we didn't come out till about 3 o'clock the next **** morning. Mick Jagger, you name them, they were in there, trying to make it better.

A: What about a **** 12-string on it?

— sound of 12-string... —

A: Yeah. No. You. had it there at the beginning, Ron. It was sounding good. Ron, Ronnie? Just listen for a sec.

E: You can say that all **** night, but I just can't feel it any other way than what I've been **** doing it.

B: You have played it tonight.

E: You'd better **** forget it, then, B because I ain't gonna be able to do it, I can tell you that now. I cannot **** do it. If that's the case we should find out before we ever **** get in the studio, do that, that and that. Don't expect **** miracles just like that, Reg. It's **** in there, embedded in there, I can't **** hear it any other way.

B: But you've done it. You... did it.

Eng: Exactly the same rhythm as you were playing before, da-da-da-da da cha, da-da-da-da da cha, on different drums, that's all.

B: And you're going da-da-da-da boom-boom ba!

Eng: Play da-da-da-da da cha.

B: No more beats.

Eng: Just play it da-da-da-da da cha on whatever drums you were playing it on originally, if you've got it embedded in there, and then start moving it about on different drums.

B: And you did it.

E: You can say that all **** night, but you won't listen. Just shut your **** mouths for five minutes and give me a **** chance to do it, don't keep rapping down that **** microphone, "Dit dit dir, dit dit dir".

A: **** me, Reg.

B: Just **** off in there and keep going through it.

E: I know it ain't **** right!!! I can **** hear it ain't right!

B: We can hear it's not right too.

E: (through gritted teeth) I **** can, and I'm the **** that's playing it. So, I can hear it in my head, yeah, that's what I've gotta do. Then I'll do it. You big ****

— bass notes... —

B: **** drummer, I **** him. Da-de-da-de-de (sings), da-de-da-de-de.

- bass and acoustic... —

B: One, two, a-one, two, three, four... You're doing it **** wrong.

E: I know I'm doing it **** wrong.

B: Dubba-dubba dubba-cha, dubba-dubba dubba-cha... You did it at the beginning. Bloody hell, I can't play with that.

E: Nor can I.

B: Ay?

E: Nor can **** I.

B: Well you're **** doing It!

E: I know, and I can't **** play to it either!

B: Ha, ha. Well why don't you just do what you **** started out doing. Dubba-dubba dubba-dubba cha. Do it on your top one, dubba-dubba dubba-dubba... cha!

- drums... -

Dubba-dubba dubba-dubba cha!

— drums... —

B: No!

— drums... —

E: Well then you're talking out the back of your **** arses, because all you want then, is the same **** thing that I was playing originally!

All: On different drums! On different **** drums.

E: Well then what you want is that one and the **** bass drum, playing the same thing.

B: You're the drummer.

E: Yes you **** do, 'cos that's all you're **** doing. You ain't playing any **** thing else. All right, I'll play that...

— drums... —

Eng: Exactly the same thing — on different drums.

A: You don't **** listen, that's your trouble.

E: Are you saying you want different things on different drums?

A: We're saying what you... and you did it. You **** did it. Dubba-dubba dacha, dubba-dubba da-cha.

Eng: And then change it round and do it the other **** way round.

A: We're only asking you to do half of it on one drum, half of it on the other, and the bang, wherever you want to bang.

B: Ronnie, can you hear me?

E: Yeah...

B: What about trying it not only, not on that top, just on that top skin floor and then your floor tom-tom, but try it on... split your hands so's that one beat is doing it on the top, er, drum, one's doing it on the floor tom-tom, then your bass.

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