HEROES! Early Clash, early Undertones, early Television, early bloody anybody with half an idea and two chords to rub together. VILLAINS! Jazz-rock clever-dicks, compact disc bands, media berks in big red glasses, people with one eye on their bank statement and the other on Steve Wright's airplay list, everyone who started with a great band and ended up with a great big house in LA. NONENTITIES! Wearers of any of the following: duffel coats, brown cords, badges with 'Marillion' or 'Trainspotter's Club' on them, Hush Puppies, Bri-Nylon shirts. YOGHURT! A white, creamy substance with a slightly bitter taste, made by introducing a bacterial culture to milk. ONE TWO TESTING! Where we're not afraid to name names. Where we don't shy away from offending people. Where taste is not all in the mouth. Where we tell you more about yoghurt....