International Musician is about Rock 'n' Roll and so am I. Because, let's face it, Rock 'n' Roll will never die. In these times of men messing about with machines that sound like calculators, and let's be honest, some of them do, we need Rock 'n' Roll. In the beginning there was Rock 'n' Roll and there'll always be Rock 'n' Roll. We're talking guitars, bass and drums, we're talking live, we're talking loud and we're talking rubbish. Yep, unadulterated rubbish, 'cos that's what Rock 'n' Roll is all about — talking rubbish.

Take studio jargon. Cans, pans, feedback, foldback, talkback, badback, drop-ins, drop-outs, SSLs, SPLs, PFLs, equalisers, harmonisers, re-mix, rough-mix, overdub, overdrive, flip flops, tape ops, click track, tape pack... What does it all mean? Where will it all end? Do musicians spend entire careers only pretending to know what everybody is on about?

Does Theresa Bazzar really understand Gary Langan when he pops his head up from behind the Roundhouse desk to say, "If we lift the bottom and pan the top I think we can nail that one." Are The Alarm giving Mike Howlett as good as they get in the gibberish stakes or is he snowing them something terrible? Other confused faces seen pacing the Roundhouse corridors have been Loose Ends, who've slapped their latest down with Roy Ayres, The Adventures with Gary Bell and latest CBS babies, FM who have been paired off with merciless tyrant Peter Collins. Trevor Horn, an aspiring tape op, has taken several ZTT acts to Roundhouse including the irrepressible Frankie, the irresistible Anne Pigalle and the irritatingly brilliant Propaganda. Phenomena have also taken to Roundhouse with Tom Galley on the other side of the glass...

Amidst the flotsam and jetsam of the Maida Vale stretch of the Grand Canal, The Barge still bobs merrily between locks. Recent entrants to London's sole acqua-studio have been Heaven 17 aided and abetted by Teri Reed.

Stephen Tin Hat Duffey surfaced to record a little more pubescent Pop with an anonymous producer, as did Pookah Makes Three. The peculiar Arena programme screened recently featuring talents as diverse as Working Week and Gary Glitter was all put together on the Rockin' boat while evenings aboard have been taken up by the more pleasant young men who insist on dragging the Punk carcass into the future. The guilty parties in question are The Test Tube Babies and Alien Gang Death Sex Ritual Cult...

Mild Men Of Rock 'n' Roll Part One: Russ Ballard dusted himself down and put in an appearance at Abbey Road. Mike Jarrett engineered. Passers by said that the smell of embalming fluid was overwhelming...

OMD have wound up their latest LP at The Manor. Production credits go to Steve Hague. Bob Sargeant, who's been surprisingly quiet of late, has re-emerged at the self same premises with fledgling beauties, The Munros and Cook Da Books, who seldom seem to be out of the studio, and have gone against the grain and left The Manor. Has Nick Tauber out-jargoned them or has there been a bereavement in the family?

The Manor Mobile was once again hoisted onto the fleet of skateboards and pushed down the hill in the direction of Birmingham. This zenith in technology only stopped when it careered into the amply built Tina Turner at the NEC where upon it promptly recorded her every live grunt for a forthcoming LP. Said unit has also been appearing mysteriously at several New Order concerts...

The Mild One Part Two: Former scourge of Wimbledon Common, Mike Batt, turned up at Abbey Road. One can only assume that this was for his seemingly terminated Hunting Of The Snark project which was recently abandoned with gay abandon n'er to see the light of day...

A new kid has materialised on the block. In the dense jungle that is Wandsworth, a quaint 24 track has been born gasping and struggling, braving the cruel realities of life, the harsh elements, the... (Get to the point, drongo — Ed). Raezor Studios. Opened February. Soundcraft desk. Studer tape machine. Recent visitors: UK Subs. Producer Ian Wilkinson...

Mild Boys Part Three: After apparently being physically ejected from a series of trashed hotel rooms, James Galway and his entourage of shameless women and crazed dope fiends arrived at Roundhouse studios at a time of day described by a spokesman as "late-ish." One of Galway's 'disciples' was said to be in possession of two packets of Marlboro cigarettes worth an estimated street value of ¼ million pounds, but we don't believe a word. Galway claims to be recording an LP of flute recitals.

International Musician, Britain's top Rock 'n' Roll musician's journal, would like to state at this point that the alarming comments made by Meatloaf about producer Alan Shacklock don't, in our eyes, reflect on his considerable abilities as a producer nor do they detract from his impressive track record to date. One man's Meat is another man's murder. Sober stuff... which reminds me: are they open yet?