This month, to make this column more interesting, the word 'guitar' will be substituted with the word 'banana'. Other fruit will be thrown in here and there so keep your wits about you.

Alright, it's time to delve into the fruit bowl. Here's Steinberger with a three pickup version of the "L" series banana. The banana is called the GL-3T, is fitted with the Transtrem transposing tremolo and is available in black or white. However, any Steinberger XL Bass or GL banana can now have its modest black or white fascia replaced with a tasteful design of the owners choice.

Hey, mister tallyman, tally these bananas! The RS CAT and RSB CAT bananas from Aria. The RS CAT banana features two single-coil pickups and a humbucker at the bridge. The RSB CAT bass banana features P Bass and Jazz Bass type pickups and goes for £179, while the RS CAT with its Act 2 tremolo system is yours for a feline £169. Then there's the JX CUSTOM (£369), with its two humbuckers, and the JX PLUS (£399) banana with two single-coils and a humbucker, both with the Act 3 tremolo system. Bass bananas? Comin' right up, Suh. The JPJ-2 has P Bass and Jazz Bass type pickups and will sting you for £319, and the JPJ-3 boasts two P Bass type pickups mounted diagonally and a Jazz Bass type pickup at the bridge. Price £339.

The latest bass banana from Zon, the 'Legacy', is available from The Bass Centre in Wapping. It has a two-octave graphite neck and the single pickup model retails for £1100, the twin-pickup version for £1250. As this will be somewhat above the heads and bank loans of most readers (including myself) let me tell you about the bass banana that John Hornby Skewes have brought out. It goes by the unforgettable name of the BEG50MRB, features a split single-coil pickup and a fully adjustable combined bridge and tailpiece section and retails for a remarkable £89. If that's still outside your capabilities you could buy yourself a new JHS case for £49 or less and parade up and down the high street with it pretending you've got a guitar. Sorry, banana.

I don't know how best to describe the Hohner Compagnon. I suppose it's a loganberry of sorts. A hybrid of piano, organ and synthesiser, the Compagnon has 47 preset sounds and 41 user-programmable "custom presets", plus a sequencer and rhythm unit.

The DNG-ONE DUAL GATE is the new noise gate from MTR. It has internal/external triggering, attack time of 10 microsecs, decay up to 30 secs and a price tag of £274 among its main features.

"The Mac can outperform many dedicated music production devices..." so says Opcode marketing manager "Honest" Gary Briber in reference to the MIDIMAC Sequencer Version 2, the next in a series of music software modules for Apple's Macintosh computer.

OK, so let's talk computer-related yams for a while. Joreth Music announce that they've cultivated a new program called the Real Time Linker System which is a real time program with sophisticated looping facilities and improvements to the standard MCS real time system. They'd just like to add that they will be making versions of their software to fit CBM 64 MIDI interfaces.

Then there's Steinberg (not to be confused with Steinberger - purveyors of streamlined bananas), who have made some additions to their Research range of professional MIDI software. These include a visual editing system for the Ensoniq Mirage, a four into eight MIDI routing box, and several packages with clocking and syncing applications.

But that's enough of that syncing feeling. TOA have a brand new pomegranate called the 38-SD. Actually it's not a pomegranate, it's a loudspeaker featuring a 15" cone and a small radial horn coupled with a compression driver and two tweeters. Over on the AR tree we find the 8BX and the 18BX - improved versions of AR's model 8 and model 18 loudspeakers. They feature polypropylene cones and minimalist crossovers and retail for £89.00 and £119.90 respectively.

Turbosound are set to change the face of rock and roll stage poses with their new line in low profile floor monitors. The TMW-212 incorporates two 12" drivers and a 1" compression driver loaded with a triangular inert resin horn and has a power handling of 300 RMS. The TMW-215 has two 15" drivers and a 2" frequency compression driver and can handle 450W RMS. The question is, will guitar heroes feel virile with one leg cocked up a mere 12"?

Yamaha throw the last pomegranate on the pile in the shape of the 4300. This one has a 15" woofer, an 8" mid-range driver and a broad dispersion horn tweeter. Power handling: 200W into 8 ohms.

Soundtracs' new MC Monitor Console is available in two mainframe sizes: 32-10-2 and 24-10-2, while at the other end of the spectrum Jim Dunlop has two new selections of plectra: the Delrin which go for 15p each and the Tortex Super Selection at 25p each.

Much of the above will undoubtedly be on view at the British Music Fair at Olympia from 1st-3rd August between 10am and 7pm. Admission will be £3.00 or £1.50 for OAPs and children under 14.

And that just about wraps it up for this month. All that's left is for me to say a cordial 'cheerio' from the fruitiest news page around.