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The Frontman Test

Article from Making Music, August 1987

Would you make a good frontperson, or are you destined forever to lurk up the back near the amps? Find out in our fun-for-all-the-group test. Just tick the answer that you favour for each of the following questions, add up your score, and find out if you're a born bandleader or a forever weedy also-ran.

1. It is an hour before the gig. The bass player comes running in to your room and screams, "Oh god, Terry our supremely confident and largely cool singer and frontperson has been taken ill with pulmonary embolism. Who on earth is going to front the band tonight at our extremely important gig?" Do you:

(a) say that you've just remembered you can't make the gig tonight after all as you've promised to press your sister's panty-hose

(b) sweep the bassist aside, don your awfully tight but dead sexy leather gear, and start posing with a mike stand in front of your just-installed full-length mirror or

(c) shit yourself.

2. You are at a band meeting and the subject of "improving the live act" comes up. You suggest:

(a) a big like black you know sheet that sort of comes up in front of the like whole band at the start of the thingy, er, set so that people can only make out like vague shapes behind it, it'll look really you know weird but brilliant

(b) sacking the rest of the band, killing the manager, putting me centre stage with laser lighting effects, touring Japan next month, dominating world culture, watching 'Eastenders'

or (c) some really good dance steps and some nice smart jackets with that gold sort of trimming down the edge and matching haircuts and maybe a uniform off-stage and a group mascot and a group motto.

3. Your group is recording a new song on the collectively-owned portastudio, and it is quite plain that the drum machine bit on track one is utterly dire. You say to the group member who programmed said drivel:

(a) "Er, Steve, I think that the drum machine line lacks a certain, er, you know, sparkle that a bit more work might bring out. No, no, it's not bad at all, I just think with a new bass drum, snare and tom rhythm it might sort of sit better with the concept, y'know?"

(b) "Steve, if you were blind, deaf and dumb I might forgive you, but that is the worst drum track that a human being has ever committed to tape. Why don't you go out and play with the traffic for a bit?"

or (c) "I think first of all we should put down a drum machine track."


Less than 3 points: Free subscription to Smash Hits.

3-6 points: See that line of amps there? Go on, go and cower behind them. Do as I say you pesky little toad! You might just make a roadie if the rest of the world is ill one day, but leave the singing and pouting and general fun-having to the real musicians and leaders, OK? Now go and dig yourself a hole, you big zero.

7-9 points: When you make it big, and it'll only be a matter of time, just remember to give us an interview, all right? You are gonna be right up at the front of that stage, telling everyone what to do, and a right candidate tor early assassination you are if ever we saw one. Enjoy it while you can, you flash git.

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Publisher: Making Music - Track Record Publishing Ltd, Nexus Media Ltd.

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Making Music - Aug 1987

The Front End


Previous article in this issue:

> How many bits is 16?

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> One Liners

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