Back in 1988, a novelty act called The Timelords stormed the charts with a Glitter-beat stomper called 'Doctorin' the Tardis'. The British public took the track to their hearts, and it hit the number one spot for one week. Anyone who remembers the Top of the Pops appearance of the Timelords, surrounded by ersatz Daleks, might marvel at how the men behind this mass appeal but pretty naff hit single could mutate into credible, quirky ravesters The KLF — but they did, and this slim soft-cover book is as much an account of how they launched their attack on the charts as it is an instruction manual on how to launch your own.

The book is a kind of diary of around six weeks in your life — except that instead of documenting what you have done, it documents what you will do if you follow the KLF route to stardom. Though it's really written for the non-musician (the authors state at one point that they're going to refer to all computer-controlled mixers as SSLs because 'it's a bit of a Hoover/Sellotape situation.' Not to the readers of this magazine it isn't), its chief value to the musician lies in its wealth of inside information on marketing and the procedures that have to be undertaken if you want to release a hit single — pressing, distribution, pluggers, sales... But it's also a lesson in not taking yourself too seriously. These guys have really got inside the heads of the average single buyer, and their brutally cynical advice on exactly what a hit single needs (a tune, preferably one the listener already knows, a happening dance beat, lyrics, but not too many and very simple, etc) will almost make you laugh in disbelief at times. Surely it's not that simple? But perhaps it is — just look at a few recent Number Ones. Would I lower myself? Hmm... perhaps I would!

A certain type of muso will throw this book down in disgust, muttering under his/her breath about the corruption of art, marketing usurping music, cynical manipulation. If you're that kind of person, don't buy it. For those with a sense of humour and some ambition, however, it may spark off some ideas and will certainly be a good laugh, as well as a bit of an eye-opener.

The book certainly has flaws, the most obvious one for me being the authors' contention that anyone who wants to can get studio time, record pressing and the services of lawyers, accountants, record pluggers and sales forces on charm and the incredible bankability of their single, with no ready money at all. This seems unlikely to me, but maybe if you've got enough cheek it can be done. At any rate, doing it exactly as these guys suggest could be a recipe for financial disaster; you might like to make a few modifications!

I can't quite decide whether the KLF chaps, known for their anarchic sense of the ridiculous, expect anyone to go ahead and use the methods detailed in this book, or whether they're just taking us for a ride. What the hell — if it's a ride, it's an enjoyable one.

Further Information

The Manual £5.95 plus £1.75 postage and packing. Order cade B197.

SOS Bookshop, (Contact Details).