"Welcome to March, the third month of the year," exhorted editor Paul Colbert. "Up till 46 BC, March used to be the first month of the year, on account of that Vemal-equinox-equal-day-and-night stuff. Its name derives not from top indie band, March Violets, but from the Roman god of war, Mars. The Mars Confections company was founded in England in 1932 by Forrest Mars, an immigrant American doubtless fond of bars."

Assistant editor Tony Bacon, momentarily stunned, continued: "The top composer of music for marching bands is the dead American, John Philip Sousa, author of 'Stars & Stripes Forever', and other stuff in 2/4, 4/4, and 6/8. Oh yeah, and 'March' was first used to mean 'rhythmic movement' in the early 17th century."

Reviews editor Jon Lewin concluded: "The 1932 Broadway musical 'Marching By' was not a hit, but 'March Of The Mods' by Joe Loss made the charts, as did Kenny Ball's 'March Of The Siamese Children', and 'Hello Heartache, Goodbye Love' by Little Peggy March. Top venue in the town of March, Cambridgeshire, is the British Rail Social Club."