"Anyone for a May-drink?" shouted editor Paul Colbert over the office mayhem. Instant hush greeted the subject of drinking. "Well don't bother, cos it's a pretty unpleasant sounding combination of white wine and leaves of the woodruff plant! Now while you're listening, where's that piece of paper... right. It's another letter from that Shakespeare bloke. He says here that rough winds are shaking the darling buds of May. A sexual reference, mayhap?" Assistant editor Tony Bacon looked up, spluttering through his egg mayonnaise sandwich: "A definite maybe, boss. Did you know that the international distress call, mayday, comes from the French m'aidez, which means helpez moi? Oh, and can we review that new mayhorn this month? It's an oboe made of green willow bark twisted into a cone and held together with hawthorn spines. Gay Oxfordshire huntspeople use it on the Whit Monday hunt, which cruel activity we naturally loathe and despise. Anyone think of any musicians called May?" Reviews editor Jon Lewin skilfully faded Chuck Berry's 'Maybellene' into The Crickets' 'Maybe Baby' on the office hi-fi. "Brian May of Queen," he began, "the banjo duet Mays & Hunters, gospel singer Brother Joe May, vocalist Artice May... er, let's see, jazzers Lyle Mays and Billy May, session guitarist Tim May, Phil May of the Pretty Things, er... any idea what Maypop is?" Mayking Music's production assistant Carol Irving stopped pulping old press releases for her scale model of pilgrim-father-transporter The Mayflower to float a few ideas: "It could be that pop festival due to take place around the old lighthouse on the Isle of May in Fife, couldn't it? Maybe it's a new fusion of bluebeat and light opera coming out of the clubs in May Bank, Staffordshire? Or is it the fruit of the passion flower? Anyway, I know for certain that the month of May, originally the third month of the ancient Roman calendar, got its name from the goddess Maia, who was Mercury's mum and a dead keen one for sacrifices on the first day of May. Now let's see: the sun is set, the spring is gone, we frolic while tis May," she concluded, in her very convincing Mae-West-quoting-Thomas-Gray voice.