OK, OK, YOU guys, settle down. We got a lot of business to get through, so let's get on with it. First off, Item 1, we're going to find ourselves a man down in a month or so - not a fatality this time, though. It seems officer Rowland has decided to resign his post on the regular staff and go it alone. Well, we can only wish him the best of luck. I guess it'll mean another collection so I don't want to see anybody slinking off before we're through here, right?

Of course, this leaves us with a vacancy. And it's one we're going to have to fill pretty quick. Someone out there must know a fair bit about what's going on in the underworld of music and what's going down with the gear they're using these days. All they gotta be able to do is to keep their wits about them and string a few sentences together. It's gotta be an easy number, so get your applications in to me as soon as you can. All I want to know is what duties you've been assigned to lately and what makes you think you're eligible for this holiday. I'm talking to you.

OK, Item 2. Somebody else has struck lucky recently. If you've been paying attention to these briefings you'll know about the little competition we organised a couple of months back. We managed to get hold of a piece of hardware called a Kawai K1 - a nice little number, I'm sure you all agree - to give away. Now, I know you don't deserve this sort of privilege but what the hell... So who won it? Well, is there a Matt Donagh from the West Ealing precinct out there? 'Cos we're going to have to arrange to have him drop in to headquarters to pick it up and meet some brass from Kawai. I guess congratulations are in order. Nice card too, son, Karl Marx' Head on Jimmy Dean's shoulders - "Rebel with a cause" eh?

As I said, I don't reckon you lot really deserve all this special treatment but we've got another piece up for grabs this month. It's an Akai S700 and it's a beauty. You can check that out in your own time, the details are on page 20 of this month's briefing notes.

Item 3. Now comes the bad news: from now on you're going to have to dig a bit deeper into your pants' pockets for your subscriptions. Yeah, I thought that'd wake you up. But listen, you've been paying the same rates for your fun for 18 months now. Anyway, you can still cash in at the old rate if you fill out a sub form before 30th June. You'll find the relevant paperwork on page 66 of the briefing notes. Don't say we ain't good to you guys.

There's another side to this too, because we can't put our fees up without promising to keep our standards up at the same time, can we? So it's going to be more of the same - the reviews are gonna be thorough, the interviews are gonna be probing - but no rough stuff, y'hear? - and the features are gonna cover just about everythin' we can think of. If any of you smart Alecs got any ideas about what you think we ought to be looking into I want to hear them, right?

OK, I think that about wraps it up for now. But remember - let's be careful out there.