A well known scenario oft repeated in studios frequented by less successful bands: Yer engineer suddenly notices during the mixdown that all the members have disappeared and sneaks into the rest room to find them all huddled around the video watching some crass Danish sexploitation movie. Embarrassed silence. "We don't watch this kind of thing... But they are funny... Ha ha."

This is obviously the reason why proper bands are successful — they're actually present at their own mixes. Happily there's none of that sordid business going on in the upright and enlightened establishments which we survey in this august (October) column. Good Earth, however, have got over their recent porno raid reported in this very space sufficiently to work with racey dangerous sex symbol Nana Mouskouri, apparently some kind of 'hip-hop' artist, currently working hard at realigning twenty four tracks of metal oxide for her next album. Meanwhile Tutu'd Trevor Tanner and The Bolshoi have been working on some tracks for the Beggars Banquet Ballet Company, choreography by Mick Glossop. There's also been some work done on a T Rex single; apparently there's been a tape lying around for some time, but the necessary legal rights to use it have only just been obtained, so expect to see a new-to-you opus in the shops soon. Rumours of a Mini-tour to promote it are strongly denied...

The last month seems to have been pretty busy for a lot of studios, presumably everyone's come back from their summer holidays and are working on the songs that will pay for the next one. At Trident, Xmal Deutschland have been recording a few lieder led by Hugh Cornwell, Steven 'Has Bin' Duffy has been working on some new material, and so have Basildon's finest, Depeche Mode. The genuine Real Thing have been in too, doing some recording for an unspecified project, as has soulful sinful scouser Pete Wylie. Given all the toing and froing, it's assumed Paul Weller didn't have much trouble raising a crowd for his anti-apartheid single. Spliff Smith and Plausible Orzabal of Tears for Fears have been back in the big chair at Trident Two and a less familiar visitor is Sezen Aksu, apparently terrific in Turkey (and pretty good on the side with beef, chips and peas.)

It's good to see the inimitable Little Richard is recording again, at Maison Rouge with Stuart Coleman producing. The rather more imitable Johnathan King has been committing himself to tape, and future listeners to that funny hotel with the padded walls. Then there's Then Jericho, who've also been recording a single, and that great cabaret turn, the Duran Duran brothers, complete with new drummer, self-producing their latest album; Nile Rodgers is turning up later to do it properly. Big Country are busy overseeing their own big picture, along with engineer Will 'I'm Not Just An Ugly' Gosling. Five Star have been keeping it in the family at Maison Rouge as well. They've been recording a single with Mr. Fivestar, Buster Pearson producing. A & M artist Phil Saatchi has also been in, presumably recording jingles for the next Tory election campaign. Over at the Marquee they've been getting jingles up to their armpits from great Hard Rock outfits like Tesco, Ribena and Quickfit. Sigue Sigue Sputnik eat your hearts out... Anyway, it's a well known fact that advertising execs are frustrated rock stars, hey who threw that stone? Less mundane visitors include the Lewis Sisters, that's Linda, Shirley and Dee Dee. Hi, Linda, Shirley and Dee Dee! The Spitting Image puppets have also been doing some recording, wonder how they play the guitar with those fat rubber fingers...

Elvis McManus Costello and Nick Loveable Lowe met up recently in Eel Pie, a fairly messy business I would imagine, in the roles of tortured artist and fader razor respectively. Another ex-stiff is Rat Scabies who is engaged in a solo project for MCA, further details are mercifully scarce. Over at the Manor The Cult have been getting heavy again on a new album, with Steve Brown producing. At the same studio, Clive Langer and Alan Winstanley have been sorting out the latest China Crisis. The Manor Mobile has been getting out and about, and also inside — one recent project was at Wormwood Scrubs. This was for a band called Inside Out, who're composed of three prisoners and two warders; this was for an Ethiopia benefit single. Presumably if the single's successful there'll be a tour of the exercise yard. Well known hair gel endorsees The Cure have also been having the benefit of the Manor's mobility crew, they've had their tour in the South of France recorded, and other Manor one-offs include Wham! at Wembley and the dancing Bolshoi again at the Town and Country Club.

Round at the Roundhouse and down with the doctor, the venerable Dr. Feelgood have been blowing their own harp, whilst Furniture have also been in, but we don't know if that was for the mixing or the three-piece suite. There's also been a rash of kids' telly program characters about lately; The Woodentops have been in at the Roundhouse whilst Woodentops' brother's ex-group, the cuddly Bunny men are still recording their album at Amazon. Bill & Ben meanwhile have split due to 'musical differences'. Loopy Lou's role in the increasingly public row has yet to hit the tabloids. The insecurely titled Sex Gods have been coming and going at Rockfield, ex-Echo-replacement Pete de Freitas has been clearing up the mess, along with producer Hugh Jones. In the same studio, The Mighty Lemondrops have been plotting further to ensure the return of the guitar to modern music.

Anyway, that's what's been going down on the production lines this month. Pretty soon, all those big tapes will duly metamorphose into smaller tapes, then into lacquers and stampers and finally flat black round things — we're Luddites here, we don't talk about compact discs. Me, I'm off to my harmonica and cassette recorder.