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Studio Speak

Article from Making Music, May 1987

Just what are all those technical chaps hanging around the studio control room really saying? We reveal the truth


You're all there in the studio. The engineer's lips are moving. You hear the words, but they are as a foreign tongue. The Making Music Universal Interpreter explains...

Yeah, I listened to that tape you sent... What ****ing tape?
When I was up at AIR in Oxford Street... I used to be a dispatch rider.
It's £10 an hour, mate... Plus VAT, tape, hire charges, cassettes, tea surcharge, and all the money we make on the pool table and video games.
It wasn't playing up yesterday... Because it wasn't ****ing working at all.
Townshend was in on Saturday... Our milkman's got the same name as that bloke in The Who.
Is it meant to sound like that? What a ****ing racket.
Do you want to try it with a click track? You'd need a ****ing calendar to help you keep time.
I prefer monitoring quietly... Your **** noise gives me a ****ing headache.
The bass still doesn't sound quite right... I'm deaf below 8kHz.
Anyone fancy a cup of tea? **** I'm bored.
Don't worry, the distortion isn't going to tape... I hope.
It doesn't if you listen closely... I can't be ****ing bothered.
Let's take that solo again straight away... You ****ed that up good and proper, eh?
Perhaps you should try a different guitar... Perhaps you should try a different guitarist.
Is the headphone mix all right? Do you normally sing 3/4 of a semitone above the note?
We can try slowing the tape down... Has he really got webbed fingers?
Have you had much experience in the studio? You're a bunch of stupid *****
We've got that Driller Killer on the video... Get out of the control room, you
Y'know, I'm really getting into this... This is so bad, it's funny.
Did that feed back in your cans? I hope it made your ears bleed.
Yeah, we're getting one of those in next week... But we haven't got it now.
No, we'll try it your way... I'll teach you to contradict me.
It'll sound fine in the mix... What a ****-up.
We can over-run if you like... Because I'm getting overtime.
Yeah, I read a review of that... I can read.
Perhaps we should sample your — Because you can't ****ing play it.
You're the boss... I'm the boss.


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The Country Gentleman

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Drum Hum


Publisher: Making Music - Track Record Publishing Ltd, Nexus Media Ltd.

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Making Music - May 1987

Topic:

Humour


Feature

Previous article in this issue:

> The Country Gentleman

Next article in this issue:

> Drum Hum


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