You will remember from the article in the January 85 issue that the entire lineup of the Axe Lords was vapourised in a nuclear explosion during a concert in which Thrangor's brain had been inadvertently exchanged for that of the mutant Manilow. Even now, Thrangor's real brain, floating in its nutrient tank at Cryostar International is planning bitter and terrible revenge.

Directly overhead, the twin suns burned down on the arid wastes of Bothrag, the meagre vegetation gnarled and twisted like the end of an editor's biro, but in the vaults of Cryostar International, some two miles below the scorched plains, the air was clinically cool and mildly antiseptic as it circulated round the giant cryogenic tanks in which were stored the living brains of the rich and the infamous. One such brain belonged to Thrangor, the manic guitarist and vocalist of the recently demised Axe Lords of Tranthax — and the brain was not pleased. The fact that its body had been destroyed meant that there was even less chance than usual of it getting out for a much needed change of scenery, and the frost covered walls of the inside of the tank held only a limited appeal as a source of entertainment. It was shortly afterwards that Thrangor, after electronically scanning his back issues of E&MM for the grillionth time, came to fully understand the implications of the Zlatna Panega (April 85) anticipation sampler and it gave him an idea that was to change his life. Through his mental link, he transmitted his Altarian Express card number to the central purchasing office, and the chain of events now to unfold was set in motion. Everyone had done a live album — but Thrangor was going to do a dead one!

It was three months before the crate arrived from the city of Stonesfield on the planet Tellus III. The translight subspace freighter hung in geo-stationary orbit over the tele-freight terminal on Bothrag, its outline blurred by dust clouds and electric storms. One moment the arrivals room was empty and the next, it was occupied by the vast complexity that was the Liquid State Logic transtime mixing console with Zlatna interface, its controls refracting the glare of the teleport energy field as it ran the gamut of the spectrum from white to violet to black.

In less than three days the installation was complete, the Zlatna Panega itself having arrived the week before anyone even thought of using it. This was of course due to said machine's ability to extrapolate reality to the extent that it can actually determine where it is next likely to be needed and deliver itself in advance. Hooked up to the Liquid State Logic desk, the system formed the most powerful recording tool in the known universe, as it could not only linkup to any studio that ever existed, but also compensate for time differences between them without any sync problems. Relativity had to be completely reworked in order to eliminate the time delay caused by the speed of electromagnetic radiation, but using the anticipatory circuits developed by Zlatna in Plovdiv, the problem was simply overcome by not travelling through time but going round it. Amazing though this feat must have seemed when it was first put into practice, it was nothing compared to the stir caused when it was found that the circuits could also reach further back in time to summon and record performers long since dead. The first practical demonstration featuring a 'Dead in Concert' duet between Stravinsky and Jimi Hendrix sent ripples throughout the recording world, resulting in the Musicians Union adopting the now familiar 'Keep Music Live' catchphrase.

Vengeance

Lurking in a dark recess in the spacetime continuum, scrillions of light years distant, the distorted form of Nike Screecher stirred, his half mechanical body contrasting incongruously with the gleaming pink plasteel of his skull. Known to his friends (or so he liked to think of them) as Jabba the Shed, this creature was as distorted in mind as in body, and it had just found out via a recent copy of Transtime News that Thrangor was planning his biggest ever album. Hatred of Thrangor was all that kept this mutant cyborg alive, and the wheels within his brain started to turn in devious ways, aimed at thwarting the plans of his arch enemy who had had him ousted from the band at the peak of its success and then, to add insult to injury, transferred him to the Val Doonican tour of the outer star systems on a ten-year contract. Screecher feeling a new sense of purpose punched the buttons on his subspace communicator and started to make travel arrangements.

The Rehearsals

Thrangor's tank was plumbed into the LSL desk and the Zlatna Panega powered up for the first time. Thrangor's perception changed as the constraints of his physical environment fell away to be replaced by the swirling seas of infinity, and he groped within his consciousness to establish the tenuous links with his past that would enable him to summon the long dead spirits that would make up his new band.

After what seemed like hours, or even years, the band were assembled. At least they gave the illusion of being assembled, inside the tank of the Liquid State Logic desk, floating effortlessly in the brown mist. As the band consisted of people drawn from history, not for their musical expertise but for their infamy, they had to be taught how to play before the session could start using the technique of mind-to-mind synapsoidal restructuring, and this was supervised by Thrangor himself using one of the Zlatna's peripheral add-ons and a pair of jump leads.

"The translight subspace freighter hung in geo-stationary orbit over the tele-freight terminal on Bothrag, its outline blurred by dust clouds and electric storms."

Atilla the Hun proved to be a particularly difficult subject and kept picking up his sword instead of the MegaMoog console, but Darth Vader fared somewhat better and took to his tridimensional SynthAxe almost immediately. The last member, Vlad the Impaler, settled in behind the fusion powered drum kit and it was time for rehearsals. As a fitting location for the concert, the desert planet of Calgon plus its entire star system was transferred into the tank, much to the chagrin of its occupants, and the northern hemisphere was summarily levelled to provide a suitable stage area.

The commercial success of this recording was vital. It had to make money because the whole recording was financed by the profit of future record sales transferred backwards in time to pay for the manufacture and transgalactic shipping of the recording equipment. It took a further hour before the instruments, specially reinforced to withstand the extreme pressures of trans-temporal existence, were lowered into the tank and the session was ready to start.

Unbeknown to the assembly, the Screecher creature had arrived on Bothrag and was even now making his way to the underground complex where the band were preparing for their soundcheck - and vengeance had never been closer at hand.

The Zlatna Strikes Back

Safe within the hypertime bubble formed by the tank, Thrangor was leading the band through a particularly sad and depressing ballad that made Leonard Cohen look like the laughing policeman, and desperately trying to get Attila the Hun to concentrate on the music instead of slaying passers-by. This upset Vlad who couldn't stand the sight of blood unless it was in the form of food, so they had to stop and take the whole thing through from the middle eight.

"Atilla the Hun proved to be a particularly difficult subject and kept picking up his sword instead of the MegaMoog..."

As the energy field which drove the back line was derived from a process which involved disintegrating the surrounding planets, the remaining inhabitants of the star system were more than glad when the Axe Lords finally got the set right.

Turning up the sub bass gravity modulators, the band prepared for their first take.

Back in real time, Nike Screecher slid into the control room totally unnoticed by the engineer until it was too late. He turned in his chair just in time to seethe barrel of Screecher's neural disruptor and just had time to think 'Perhaps the bass should have been a bit higher in the mix' before his brain turned to green jelly and proceeded to slide gracelessly out of his left ear.

Within moments, Screecher was in control and with robotic precision, he unplugged the feed to the Holostore recorder and plugged in the miniature digital recorder that he'd used to bootleg the entire Val Doonican galactic concert tour in preparation for this very eventuality. Instead of the Axe Lords concert, the line now carried the intolerable strains of Paddy McGinty's Goat, and the automatic record plant was already in full swing duplicating and packing the tiny perspex holo-cubes that would be put on sale later that day in all the corners of the known megaverse.

"Relativity had to be completely reworked in order to eliminate the time delay caused by the speed of electromagnetic radiation..."

Realising the financial implications of this move, the anticipatory circuits of the Zlatna Panega decided that in order to protect its own financial interest, it had better move - so it disappeared. There was a slight thwop as the air rushed in to fill the space so recently vacated by the 4U Zlatna module, and silence fell on Calgon.

Thrangor's horror on realising that he was now marooned on Calgon with Attila the Hun, Darth Vader and Vlad the Impaler was exceeded only by the horror of the local inhabitants who realised that they were marooned there with all four of them.

The only hope was to think up an alternative money-making scheme to entice the Zlatna Panega to return, but in the meantime, the universe was being flooded with Val Doonican bootlegs in Axe Lord sleeves at the rate of ten billion copies per minute!

Back in the control room, Nike Screecher was so pleased with himself that he had a double hernia in his brain, and collapsed on the floor seconds before the security robots came in and found him slumped beside the sound engineer in a pool of something that looked very like Swarfega.

See next year's exciting episode to find out what happens next.