Feel free to disbelieve me if you want, but the pub I went to just out of Derby after I'd been to this particular shop was equipped with a jet engine.

Utter lies? Completely irrelevant? You might think so, but don't be hasty, for Derby's fame is at least partly due to the Rolls Royce jet engine plant there.

Consequently the RB211 engine sitting in the pub's backyard wasn't as surprising as if it had been in, say, Truro. But by association, you might also think that the locality's premier gear shop would have a selection of Rolls Royce standard instruments and that the service would be jet-propelled. Was it? Read on, hapless musician-type-person, and find out...

Kindly directed by Derby pedestrians around the ring road a total of 17 times, I eventually found Wisher; if you are a novice to Derby's avant-garde traffic system watch out, because it makes an idiot out of even the most adept rally-trained navigator. And as for me, I was hopelessly lost from the first few one-way signs. All the advice I can give is that Wisher's is south; not quite as far as Penzance but slightly out of the city centre. Follow the London road, known in the first few miles as Osmaston Road, and you might well find the place you seek. Then take 17 steps away from the shadow of the third beech tree on the left, and at Summer solstice the sun will point you... oh, sorry I thought I was on the trail of that bleeding hare again. Incidentally, if you look through this month's IM very carefully, you may find hidden a series of clues which may lead to a treasure of untold wealth. I say 'may' because we didn't put them there, so if you find any it's a complete accident.

Once outside Wisher, a pretty large and impressive-looking place, I was confronted by a spectacular selection of guitars both Fender and Fender-ish; the Elite series by the originals themselves, and some rather nice-looking six-strings of very similar styling by Tokai and the like. And a nice touch — as you go in the door you realise that the guitars are easily accessible from the shop, and not closeted away in their display quarantine as in so many shops.

First impressions were of a long thin shop, with guitars and basses at the front and amps at the back. But as so often is the case, first impressions are wrong. There is an identical shaped and sized area next to this bit, housing keyboards and drums, and just as well-stocked.

Fender have already been mentioned, and in addition the six-stringed lines included Burns, Gibson, Yamaha, Ibanez, Aria, and pleasingly enough a few homegrown originals from such as Gordon Smith; basses included most of the famous names, again with a sprinkling of local heroes.

Sadly our British drum and keyboard industries, with a very few honourable exceptions, cannot keep up with the flood of new products from the masterly Easterly factories; so the main bulk of those two departments were made up of the latest in Japanese gear: a good selection including all the usual names was present and correct.

But onto the pest test. This is the bit of the show, as your favourite game show host might put it, where I attempt to rejoin the human race for a few moments and emulate a typical customer. In aid of this, I approached a hovering assistant.

"I'd like to try out that amp over there." I said, pointing to the most out-of-the way and obviously difficult one I could find, an old blonde (definitely my sort) Marshall transistor combo. "Certainly" replied my helper, with remarkably little hesitation. He plugged the offending object in after a struggle, and then asked me what sort of guitar I'd like to try it with. High marks there.

As the nearest guitars were Arias and Ibanezes, I exercised my usual charming good manners. "A Telecaster, please" I said. But off he trudged, returning with a lead and a Tele of recent vintage. And not bad either. And as he was leaving to return to his work I dealt the cruellest blow, "...and can I have a plectrum?" I asked sweetly. Again, no problem.

The amp was very nice and not at all overpriced. In fact they were selling it for someone else, they explained — a nice service to the local musicians, and something all shops should do, in my opinion. And with the Tele's trebly back pickup I could get a very loud twang which was visibly making people's teeth rotate. But no word of complaint, again winning Wisher a large number of bonus points on the Punterometer.

As I handed back the Tele sometime later and said I didn't want the amp, there were no grunts of displeasure, merely an instruction to 'keep popping in'. Veritably, a music shop that lives up to all my wishes. Or should that be Wishers?

Oh, and I kept the plectrum as well — so if they want a slightly used Fender medium back, just get in touch...

WISHER (Contact Details)