In a world where winners and losers are separated by the width of a plectrum, discover how to increase your chances of mastering the Fame Game with BIG GEORGE WEBLEY'S guide to making it big in the music industry.

After what seems like years of depressing rehearsals, every evening, every weekend, your band eventually do their first real gig. And what do you know? It was a sensational success. The punters enjoyed the songs; the sound was unbelievably loud; the landlord was impressed enough to pay up without any argument; and the feeling of euphoria backstage after the gig made everybody in the band realise that this is the best way of becoming a millionaire.

So, just how does a band go from doing one good gig at a local pub to becoming as big as U2 or REM? Easy, give up now, it'll never happen, you'll be lucky to do another gig and survive unscathed. That's the best advice I can give to 99 percent of the thousands of bands reading this article. But for the one band who just might have what it takes (and that means YOU), here are some handy tips.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

No-one out there with the power to help you on your way to the top gives a damn about you at the moment, nor are they willing to invest the best part of a million pounds to launch your introspective and derivative career. And you are completely mistaken if you think any company would be interested in a new sound or revolutionary approach. They will only be interested in you if they can see a sure fire way of getting something back — with interest. Therefore you must be aware that this is a business not a charity. You must get yourself organised, and that doesn't just mean knowing when the next rehearsal is. If you're serious about becoming the next global music sensation, you must be prepared to work at more than remembering what the chords are to the middle bit of the new song.

If you were starting a painting and decorating business, you'd have proper paint brushes, a pasting table that didn't collapse, and the van would have road tax, insurance, and a current MOT — probably. You'd be out looking for work and spreading your name about all over the place.

A name — it's usually a good idea to agree on a name and stick to it. How many bands do two gigs then change their name? That reminds me, when you're actually on stage, tell people who you are, not just once but all the time, especially at the end of your set. It's no good people talking about the brilliant band they saw the other night, if they've forgotten your name, or didn't know it in the first place. The more people who know your name and talk about you, the more potential lifelong fans you have.

SPREADING THE WORD

As for getting your name known, you don't advertise your band in the personal ads or in telephone kiosks obviously. But where? Local press is, on the whole, very sad, but it's a start.

Make sure you have at least two good black and white photographs and an interesting press release — they will go a long way towards building up your profile in the media. It doesn't matter who takes the pictures, just as long as they look good and portray your image accurately. However, don't rely on the local newspaper photographer, unless you want a 'Stupid Prat at a Garden Fete' type image. Whether the press release is a simple personal biog accompanying a list of local gigs or a creatively written pile of self-promotional garbage doesn't matter. Do make sure it has a contact name, address, and phone number, and get yourself an answerphone and turn it on when you're out.

Once you've sent it, don't wait for a reply, call the next day to ensure it was received. There's a good chance they'll tell you they don't use this sort of thing. Don't worry, or be annoyed, they will use your stuff eventually, as long as you're polite, helpful, and act professionally. If that isn't in keeping with the band's image, you can always kidnap the editor! It will no doubt get you thrown in jail, but at least you will be headlining local news for a week or so.

Another very important area to cultivate is local commercial radio. This is in an even sadder state of affairs then local newspapers. The chances of getting playlisted are worse than zero. The reason behind this is that most commercial stations are owned by one of three large advertising-hungry national companies with absolutely no interest in local musical talent whatsoever. However, don't let that bother you. A friendly DJ, no matter how embarrassing they may be as a person, is a very good thing. They may not be able to play your music on air, but they can mention your name and your next gig. Plus they are in contact with all the major record companies. The longer you are in this business, the more you will realise the importance of personal contacts — no matter how two-faced.

Apart from the local media, how else are you going to get recognised on a global scale? Marketing, that's how!

It's impossible to market yourself without spending money, but if you're going to become a platinum selling act, what's a few bob. It doesn't have to cost a fortune, although there are plenty of PR companies who will charge more than a roll-over lottery win to promote any old rubbish. Start by marketing yourself. It will cost you the price of postage stamps, telephone calls, and the odd trip to London. For all those bands living on the top of a Welsh mountain or camped out on a far flung Scottish Isle, the sad truth is that the British music industry is run from London. It may not be fair, but it's a fact you are just going to have to learn to live with.

Who do you ring and what do you send? In these days of cheap deals on short runs of CDs, there is no excuse for not having some product (get used to that word). Send it to record companies, Radio 1 DJs, and their producers, local news, daytime TV programme researchers and associate producers.

Two days after you send it, ring them up and ask what they thought. They'll probably say they didn't get it, so offer to bring another copy down in person. Keep the pressure on: send them press releases, ring them again, and again. If they don't like you, it will annoy them no end — so what? — but if they do like your sound, they'll come and see you or invite you in to see them.

The chances are, they won't come to the first gig they promise to attend. Don't worry, keep that friendly pressure on and get them to the next gig, or the one after. When you do meet them face to face, try your best to agree with their opinions. We all like to be liked and they are as insecure about their position in the industry as you are. So be their pal.

Of course, there is one sure fire way of getting your first record into the charts, as well as guaranteeing an appearance on Top Of The Pops and every Saturday morning kids programme. You'll have the honour of having the tabloid press looking into your murky past. There'll be screaming fans hanging around every corner, and long lost family members will be vying to sell their story on 'what a horrible child you were'.

And just how do you get into this enviable position? Simple, all you have to do is make sure your singer is an ex-cast member of a TV soap opera. It works every time, although for the ultimate in exposure, I suggest you recruit a Baywatch Babe. That would really shift plastic for you.

THE PEOPLE FRONT

Something else worth thinking about before you go headlong into superstardom is band members. Who's in the band at the moment and who won't be in the band when that big break comes? It's a tough world and things like this are worth thinking about. It's no good burying your head in the sand, problems very rarely solve themselves.

Let's not forget that before you get inducted into the 'Rock'n'Roll Hall Of Fame', there is the small matter of a million gigs in local pubs and clubs, plus another thousand or so support gigs. It doesn't matter how aggressive your music is, courtesy towards the people you deal with is of paramount importance — even if they're pea brained idiots who couldn't tell you what time the 6 o'clock news is on TV! Getting a name as a bunch of pain in the backsides is all very well when you've sold a trillion units, but when it's a choice between you and a bunch of easy-going chaps who are no problem, who do you think is going to get re-booked?

It was my pleasure to be on the same bill as one of the most famous 'difficult' artists in the world. This was 12 years ago on a show called The Tube, and it was her first UK TV appearance. I remember her being the very soul of amiability, doing endless soundchecks, camera rehearsals, and eating studio canteen food without the slightest sign of a bad attitude. She was just starting out but seemed to be fully aware that despite enormous media interest in the release of her second single, it wouldn't pay to naff people off. Now she's a multi-millionaire.

If that went for Madonna, it should go for you next time you turn up at a pub gig and the landlord's a bastard and the sound man has an IQ of less than 50. There is no mileage in giving people loads of lip or making in-jokes at their expense. Take the mickey out of them all you want in your stretch limo on the way to your private jet — if that's the type of person you are — but don't be anything less than politeness personified when on their turf.

Another issue that needs serious thought is rival bands? Do you sabotage their transport, fiddle with their electrics, spread nasty rumours, plant drugs on them and then call the police? Or do you treat them as fellow professionals, who are allies in the common war against the 'suits' running the music establishment, although they are not fit to lick your musical boots? They could help out in an emergency, for example, by lending an amp. That is as long as they haven't crashed the van or electrocuted themselves, been run out of town, or thrown into jail for 15 years on a narcotics fit-up.

FAIRYTALE ENDINGS

You might not need to wait, your career may peak the day you play first on the bill at a local folk festival. After which you live happily ever after with the memory of a sea of less than a hundred faces smiling at you. Then again, you might not have time to wait, because you're too busy making a living playing music in holiday camps or on the cabaret circuit. There's a very good living, if your musical chops are up to it, to be made in the band-pit of West End theatres. And, of course, you could always get a good suntan playing drunk songs to tourists in Mediterranean bars or tea dances on ship cruises.

You will, almost certainly, go through frustrations and nightmares beyond your wildest fantasies just trying to get one step further down the long road to stardom. Whatever happens, always remember, if it was easy to be part of a worldwide smash hit band, everybody would be in one!