Setting off for a gig without a basic toolkit is simply courting disaster. Mike Crofts explains how to decide what tools you can't live without, what spares you really need to carry, and a few improvisational tricks along the way.

All good things eventually come to an end, or so the saying goes, and last year my trusty but increasingly rusty MO Escort van finally lost its annual battle with the MOT test. My current, regular transport is now a small, green, economical, reliable estate car. It starts, seats four in comfort, has a heater and wipers, a clock and a radio which works, but it just isn't the same when it comes to space — thus we arrive at the question of priorities. When you've just managed to perform a Tokyo Underground trick and slammed the tailgate defiantly in the face of an avalanche of PA equipment, what do you wedge into the last remaining space between your passenger's face and the windscreen? Will it be the spare amp head, the AA road atlas with all the Little Chefs marked on it, or the toolbox?

A QUESTION OF PRIORITIES

Some years ago I remember playing with a brass band of the traditional chaps/beer/fall over kind. We had been arguing, sorry, rehearsing for many weeks in preparation for a national competition, and when the great day finally dawned, we gathered outside the local working mens' club to wait for our transport amongst piles of brass instruments, drums, and about 20 crates of beer. When the coach (like something out of Heartbeat) arrived, it soon became clear that everything was not going to fit. We youngsters were shoved aboard, while t'committee held a meeting right there on the pavement. After a lengthy and heated discussion, followed by the customary vote, the Hon. Secretary solemnly announced that the coach was too small. In the general shambles which followed (what we would nowadays call a 'brainstorming session'), a degree of logic somehow became mixed up in the debate, and a brilliant idea was conceived — something would have to be left behind. The second committee meeting was much shorter, and after several woeful glances and impassioned gesticulating at the pile of beer crates, the situation was quickly resolved to everyone's satisfaction (what we would nowadays call a 'win-win situation') by the simple but devastatingly effective method of leaving the drum kit behind.

All this may seem a long way from an everyday band gig, but someone famous once said 'expect the unexpected' (and very probably 'my son' as well), so the humble toolbox really is always worth its place, squashed between the passenger and the windscreen. I bet even Noah took one along.

Okay, having convinced ourselves that we need a toolkit, let's have a look at what's in it. Another exercise in prioritisation is required, and unless the thing is to take up more room than your monitor system, the contents need to be planned. There are two well-tried methods to apply here: one is to get the largest box you can carry and throw everything you can think of into it; the second, preferred method is to decide what you might need, then put it into an appropriate container.

I'VE GOT A LITTLE LIST

Everyone will, of course, have their own ideas as to what a toolkit for the upwardly-mobile sound man ought to contain, so I'll start with what's in mine, which has been built up over the last 20 years and only twice outgrown its box. When I was asked to write these words, I decided to empty everything out and see just what was in there. The resulting heap was quite alarming, and I half expected to see the name 'Tardis' on the bottom of the box.

Generally, the contents fall into three groups — electrical and mechanical tools, spares, and bits'n'pieces. The mechanical side of life is something to ignore at your peril, especially in these days of very reliable electronics. It is far more likely that a handle or grille will work loose and start to rattle than something will come unwired inside your equipment, and the areas of special concern are where electrical and mechanical worlds meet, for example plugs and sockets. So what do you really need?

ALL TOOLED UP

Let's start with the 'sensible tools' category, and the number one spot has to go to a useful selection of screwdrivers. Make sure you have both straight and cross/star drivers, and that they are made of good quality steel which will not bend easily and will therefore not destroy too many screw heads. The El Cheapo ones you get from the Sunday market are not usually all that special. A good test is to scratch the end of the blade with your fingernail or car key — if you can see the chrome plating peeling away, it's likely to be about as much good as the proverbial chocolate teapot. Go for good old names like Stanley, Derek etc. and don't forget to include at least one very small screwdriver (of the 'jewellers' variety), for things like guitar bridge saddles and the old-type XLR clamping screws. Those little kits with interchangeable blades are very convenient and save space, but make sure you keep all the bits together, preferably attached to or stored inside the handle — any wise old roadie will tell you about the invisible gateway, lurking at the bottom of every toolbox, which all small items may pass through to a parallel universe.

"... if anyone asks to borrow one of your precious tools, say yes, but ask if you can borrow their video recorder over the same period."

A mains tester or 'neon' built into a screwdriver can be useful in an emergency for checking exposed terminals or metalwork, which you suspect may be 'live'. Be very careful with the neon type of tester — even if a dangerous voltage is present, the neon indicator can be hard to see especially in sunlight or under bright theatre lighting, so I rely instead on my little Tandy multimeter. If you have to use a neon tester, make absolutely sure that the insulation on the blade is complete and undamaged, and don't touch anything else metallic or damp when you use it.

• Gripping stuff
Pliers are best in twos. A good pair of long-nosed pliers will retrieve small items from 'hard to get at' places, act as a heatsink when soldering delicate components, and remove splinters from fleshy areas. A decent pair of 'big' pliers will serve in an emergency as a hammer or spanner for wing-nuts and will hold connectors etc. whilst soldering, especially if you put a rubber band round the handles to make an instant mini-vice. Always go for well-insulated handles, and it's a good idea to glue the plastic or rubber grips in place — preferably when new — to avoid them sliding off when in use.

• Stripping stuff
If you need to re-wire or make up new cables, you will need a neat and reliable method of stripping cables. I have a special tool for this, but it takes up quite a bit of room and would probably be the first thing to be thrown overboard if the boat were sinking. Careful use of a sharp knife will do very well — just remember that untidy cable stripping eventually leads to unreliable connections and deep personal depression. If you prefer to use your teeth, well, they're your teeth.

• A real snip
Wire cutters are incredibly useful and can serve as wire strippers, nail clippers (for the bass player), crimp tool, or for cutting wire. Buy a good pair with sprung (and insulated) handles, so that you don't have to keep using your other hand to open the jaws — and bear in mind that the life expectancy of this tool diminishes in direct proportion to the number of different tasks performed. Hacksaws are better for coat hanger wire.

• Completely nuts
You probably won't need a set of car-size spanners unless you're also in charge of tactical logistics planning (the van), but small metric socket sets are brilliant, and they often use the same handle as a screwdriver set. Most loudspeaker chassis are held in place with modest size nuts or bolts, usually 10mm or less, and tend not to need tightening too much, so leave the four-foot extension bar at home in the garage unless the venue is known to be dodgy.

"... a wooden clothes peg makes an excellent insulated holder for small soldering jobs..."

• Soldering on
A small soldering iron has extracted me from the proverbial on more than one occasion, but don't forget to include some solder. A very small amount of this usually lasts for years, so don't go and spend big money on a whole reel of the stuff, just 'borrow' about a foot from someone you know — if they ever ask for it back, they're not the sort of person you really want as a friend anyway. At a later date, we may cover the mystic art of soldering in greater depth, but for now, just remember to take along a small piece of cellulose sponge — cutting about one inch square from one of those thin kitchen sponges you can buy from the supermarket is all you need. When wet, this can be used to clean the tip of your (hot) iron before use and will greatly improve the chances of a good solder connection.

• The heavy brigade
Finally, consider a modest array of more mechanical implements for heavier repair jobs, such as a small hammer, a junior hacksaw, and one of those sharp pointy things you can use to start a screw hole in chipboard — all these can be extremely useful in gigging situations, for example, if someone tries to pay you by cheque. The good old Stanley knife is a ubiquitous and invaluable item, but beware when digging around for your smallest Allen key — a cut finger just before a gig can spoil your evening. A retractable blade version is best.

SPARES

The type of spares you need depends on the sort of work you are doing and the equipment you use. Remember that not all fuses are the same size, and a good selection will not take up much space — my little plastic film canister full of fuses recently saved the lighting rig for a Messiah performance when one of the hired thyristor packs overcooked it. Don't be tempted to use incorrect fuse ratings just to get things going, and carry a plentiful supply of the low value fuses (say 1, 2, and 3 amp).

A spare 13 amp plug can get you out of a mess; if you're not short of room, one attached to a lead and IEC connector would be even better. Spare signal connectors can be heaven-sent at times, and the odd jack and XLR won't go amiss — two spare jack sockets soldered together makes a useful back-to-back connector. About as sad as I get in this department is a couple of spare fader knobs, as they often get swept off their stalks when packing up, and I hate to see an otherwise respectable desk with some of these missing — it can also give a poor impression to your clients.

Spare batteries are very handy. A couple of AA and what I still call PP3 types will suffice for most applications, and you will earn undying affection from the band when you work your magic on their ailing pedals.

"Last but by no means least, don't go anywhere without your gaffa tape, which will — as everyone knows — do anything any of the tools mentioned here will do, and lots more beside."

BITS AND PIECES

Now here's where it all gets very personal. 'Tis often said that you can tell a lot about someone from the contents of their fridge, or what's on their washing line, I believe this also applies to what they keep in their toolbox, so make of this what you will.

• Unplugged
One of the least obvious but most used bits in my toolbox is a strip of plastic 'Rawlplug' material, which can be cut to length. I use this for plugging screw holes, which have become enlarged, for example on wooden speaker cabinet handles and grille clamps; it can also be used to make insulated spacers. A tube of Plastic Padding, Chemical Metal or Araldite Rapid can really get you out of trouble if something major breaks, such as mic stand clamps. I have never got on particularly well with those instant superglue things, I just end up with fewer but thicker fingers!

• Wired
Some of the items are less obvious and more customised in design or use: a wooden clothes peg makes an excellent insulated holder for small soldering jobs, eg. jack plugs, and is also useful for preventing your desk notes or music charts from blowing away when working outdoors. A length of single-strand wire has many more uses than its multi-strand relative in an emergency, as it can be used to poke down little holes, shaped into a hook to retrieve or hold tiny screws, and to hold trodden-on plastic things together (just until you get home, of course).

• Do the write thing
A selection of writing implements including a proper chinagraph pencil, waterproof marker pen, and retractable-lead pencil (saves it getting broken in the box) will often come in handy, and a roll of masking tape is excellent as a tear-off desk ID strip.

• Get it taped
If you want to get really clever, try including a drum key, tuning fork, sound post tool (for when you've accidentally kicked over someone's cello), sticking plasters (for when the cellist finds out), and a few useful coins for drink/other vending machines. Pack an old toothbrush, which will be just the thing for cleaning out gunged-up threads or for removing surface film from connectors without being abrasive. Last but by no means least, don't go anywhere without your gaffa tape, which will — as everyone knows — do anything any of the tools mentioned here will do, and lots more beside.

PROTECTING YOUR INVESTMENT

Like I said earlier, my toolkit has been with me in one form or another for a long time, and some of the items (certainly the pliers, cutters, and two of the screwdrivers) are founder members with around 20 years service. Apart from the expense of replacements, it is really annoying to be without the tool you need at the time, and you can guarantee that you'll want the one you've just lost, lent, broken, or left behind. Don't use the precision wire cutters to escape from prison, and don't use the pointy pliers as a wheel brace. Keep your supply of fuses, tape, and Stanley knife blades up to scratch, and they'll be there when you need them. One final helpful hint — if anyone asks to borrow one of your precious tools, say yes, but ask if you can borrow their video recorder over the same period. This is a wonderful method of preventing memory loss.

So it really is all a question of priorities — look after your tool kit, and it'll do the same for you, one day. And you really ought to know where all the Little Chefs are, anyway!