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Money vs Art

Article from Making Music, September 1987


This music lark. Do you do it because you desire huge great piles of £50-style banknotes? Or do you do it for phone calls at three in the morning to tell you how indescribably expressive your playing is on the new single? In short, are you in it for the money, or are you in it for the art? Find out once and for all with this easy-to-use Making Music multiple choice thing.

1. There's a group discussion about methods of raising cash for a sesh at the local 8-track. You suggest:

(a) selling the drummer's body to those biology students upstairs

(b) offering the 8-track engineer a 50-50 split on royalties accruing from any recordings made (except Papeete and Colombia, covered by a separate previous agreement) in exchange for one day plus tape plus VAT plus coffee or

(c) taking a stall at the church fete to flog off some of the singer's more extreme garments, especially all those lace mittens which must be worth a fortune.

2. The guitarist threatens to leave unless his pathetic 'solo' is retained in a song being rehearsed. Do you:

(a) point out that 'guitar solo' is an outdated concept and that the sooner he gets lost the better

(b) side with the six-stringer, saying that your music is in desperate need of melodic content; the fact that he also owns the PA is immaterial or

(c) sabotage the guitar amp in a clever way so it will not work above volume number 2.

3. Supposing the singer's mega-rich grandad goes completely mega-dead and leaves him £20,000? Do you propose:

(a) shopping him to the DHSS unless he slips you a couple of grand

(b) sending ten grand of it in a plain envelope to that bloke you met from that record company who said the only thing standing between you and a contract was talent, inclination and an enormous bribe or

(c) sending the singer to join his grandad.

4. You're shopping in town for plectrums, top E-strings and so on, and you pop into the bank with the bassist while he gets some money. You happen to notice the balance written in his chequebook: £9,137.42. Do you:

(a) mention casually the group's 'unwritten law' about collective redistribution of individually held wealth

(b) scream out, "This man has stolen my chequebook and is an imposter, I demand the balance of my account now in cash!" or

(c) throw up.

5. The publican at a local hostelry offers you a prime gig, very well paid, but only on the understanding that you will play what he calls 'party favourites', and none of your own material whatsoever. Do you suggest:

(a) immediate agreement and in addition the drummer to go round and see if the said publican needs any filthy jobs doing around the pub

(b) a local poster campaign decrying the hostelry as a place to be visited only by those opposed to the encouragement of burgeoning creativity or

(c) having a few drinks and thinking about it.

NOW ADD UP YOUR SCORE


1. (a) 1 point; (b) 2 points; (c) 3 points.
2. (a) 3; (b) 2; (c) 1.
3. (a) 1; (b) 3; (c) 2.
4. (a) 2; (b) 1; (c) 3.
5. (a) 2; (b) 3; (c) 1.

So: art or money?

4 points or less: Does somebody read the magazine out to you?

5-7 points: What a snivelling, money-grabbing, tight-fisted little bastid you are. You are sure to do well in the music business.

8-10 points: As you'll no doubt be selling this copy of Making Music any second, there seems little point in telling you that you're obsessed by cash.

11-12 points: Presumably you've been to art school? Cos surely no-one gets to be so supremely cultured and pompous by natural means?

13 points: This category withdrawn at the request of our superstitious USA distributor, Clint. (Hi Clint, how's Lulabelle?)

14 or 15 points: Frankly we're surprised that with you being so talented, creative and plain bloody arty, your head doesn't explode or something. Kerpkkkpowwwsplatsplatsssssll! Blimey, it has.


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Smoke

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Wembley


Publisher: Making Music - Track Record Publishing Ltd, Nexus Media Ltd.

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Making Music - Sep 1987

The Front End

Topic:

Humour


Feature

Previous article in this issue:

> Smoke

Next article in this issue:

> Wembley


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