ON THE OCCASION OF MAKING MUSIC'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY ISSUE - SOME STUFF

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to us, happy birthd... what you do mean you don't know the words? We are talking serious celebrations here because (roll of sampled drums in background) Making Music has been going one whole year. How time flies when you're enjoying yourself... or someone else, for that matter.

The first issue appeared in April 1986 with a certain M King on the front cover. As you may have noticed, the chap returned to blow out our candle the other day. What better opportunity, we thought, to take a brief maths-teacher-style statistical squint at our first year's worth of issues — that's April 1986 to March 1987. And what an achievement it's been, even if we do say so ourselves.

Britain's musicians snap up virtually three times as many copies of Making Music than they do of any other musicians' magazine in the country. Our circulation is close on 60,000 a month. The sackfuls of letters you still send tell us we're the best. Thanks. And the great majority of you who started from issue one have become loyal followers, coming back for every new copy — and that's something we're proud of.

But wait. We fear our heads do swell too much. Let's get some evidence.

We've published 68 full reviews of instruments and gear in our first year, ranging from a £45 chorus pedal to a £3000 digital piano.

Then there's the Buyer's Bible. You'd be amazed at how many instrument industry big-knobs we've seen turning straight to this bit when they get their crisp new Making Music, such is the power and influence of the Bible. In the biblical sense, we've given you mini-reviews of 113 different items since the dawn of time (aka April 1986).

We have some good writers, you know. People who can spell (mostly), and who know their stuff.

In the very first issue we introduced drummer Geoff Nicholls, best known for his appearances as the percussion persuader on BBC TV's 'Rockschool' series, and now famed for his Drum Hum column in Making Music — everything from footpedal technique to drummer's ailments.

Also straight in with the first issue was Andy Honeybone, our expert on all matters concerning keyboards, computers and those twitchy MIDI-type things. He brings you Synth Sense, making up complex chords one month and nicking them from Tina Turner the next (28 examples in our first year). When not playing, Andy is tapping — at the computer. His Technically Speaking column has provided musicians with such unmissable tools as a program to convert aftertouch data from a KX5 into control data for the DX21, and the wonderful DX random patch generator.

We've carried 221 news items in our first year (count 'em).

Our very first reader's poll created such an impact, even star musicians were quoting its results to other magazines. We've published 126 of your deeply satisfying letters, and that's still only a fraction of the hundreds we've received.

We introduced more new writers to you as the year progressed: in issue two Andy Duncan, studio drummer for such diverse talents as Wham! and Frankie Goes To Hollywood, kicked off his stint with a kit review. In issue three we said hi to astonishing guitar player Adrian Legg, who has since pleasured us with gem-like features on the survival of life on the road, understanding copyright, and the innovative series 'Wood Of The Month'. John Morrish also bowed in on issue three, when he started his two-part history of record production. Since then he has divided his talents between sub-editing Private Eye magazine, researching for George 'Fifth-Beatle' Martin's proposed TV series, and, natch, writing for the hugely successful Making Music.

We've published 122 frames of the world-famous Dumb Chums cartoon, and our Demology column has reviewed 77 of your demo tapes, from The Active to Yeah Yeah Let's Go Crazy.

You want more el fabuloso writers? We got 'em. In issue five we introduced Ben Duncan, who not only knows virtually everything there is to know about anything vaguely connected with electricity, PAs and amplification, but has the most piercing laugh in the free world. Mixing for small gigs, replacing valves in old amps, and being safety conscious in the presence of mains juice, have been a few of his offerings. And issue six saw the arrival of Martin Sheehan, venturing forth from his studio for one of those rare between-session moments when he writes regular, clear explanations on such otherwise arcane studio stuff as compression, delay, and aural excitation.

Another newcomer in issue six was Paul Day, now known to all sane Making Music readers as the Guitar Guru, and the owner of the largest collection of weird and wonderful guitars in Europe. Paul's guitars have featured on Making Music's calendar page from issue one, but since the Guitar Guru column started in September he's already found room to identify and evaluate 38 of your old and odd instruments.

We've published 212 items of idle gossip, tittle-tattle and speculation in our Smoke column, which we know is the place that many top musicians look first when they pick up their valued copy of Making Music. We've reviewed 53 records in our first year, as well as nominating and analysing 12 classic albums, from the Beatles to the Velvet Underground, in the monthly Influences department.

Jerry Uwins started writing for us from issue seven, bringing with him a wealth of experience from his days of artist liaison at Yamaha, not to mention his six-string-twanging abilities, while the most recent addition to our select band of writing-persons is Jay Arthur, the eagle-eyed old bugger who studies other publications for general hilarity and cock-ups. In his spare time, Jay likes nothing better than a quick wang on his original late-1950s Strat.

Instruction-wise (ie, ripping off other people's songs, ho ho) we've had members of Marillion, Madness, Roxy Music, Big Country, Whitesnake, It Bites, Paul Young and China Crisis showing you personally how to play their songs (and in the process, giving you plenty of chords to nick). We've published 92 general features on subjects from 4-track tips to finding out why bands split up, from the three-chord trick to explaining EQ.

In short, we think we've given you a bumper first year's worth of information and entertainment. The best news is that there's more to come — and we can promise you even better stuff in our second year.

The first words after the very first issue's contents page were: "Put the money back in your pocket." That summed up our original philosophy perfectly. And perhaps there's a hidden meaning to the very last words at the end of the March 1987 issue, too: "Any left?" You bet.

In the last 12 months we've run what we think are the most informative, entertaining and direct interviews with top musicians that you'll see anywhere. We've asked them questions about success, about playing, practising and performing, we've related their views on the music business, and passed on some of their tips for bands trying to break into it.

We've also had some exclusives - The Edge, Roxy Music and Simple Minds to name but three. (By the way, they all spoke to us not because the record company said so, but because they liked the magazine.)

Here's a sample of the strong opinions some of those interviews turned up.

"In the end your ears are the best judge - if the machine is telling you something is in time and your ears say no, trust your ears."
— Mark King, April 86.

"The road crew have vile things lined up for you. Like the monitor engineer shouting through the monitors 'bollocks, bollocks', in the middle of a song, and only you can hear it."
— Mark Price, April 86.

"I think my reputation as a guitar player is very flattering but I think it's been overdone."
— Nils Lofgren, April 86.

"If I want weird sound, then I'll go for the Oberheim... I think I understand how it works... but not why."
— Vince Clarke, May 86.

"I think they're disgraceful, anachronistic entities."
— Martyn Ware on music publishers, July 86.

"We haven't seen him since going down in a lift in Philadelphia after the last gig in 1983."
— Phil Manzanera on Bryan Ferry, June 86.

"MIDI... doesn't do anything flabbergasting. All it does is copy what you're doing, and put it somewhere else on another synthesiser."
— Mick McNeil, July 86.

"Sixties guitar riffs and rhythms are what I really like. Once I hear that, I go mental."
— Nick Heyward, August 86.

"Don't trust nobody, that's it. Don't trust nobody... 'cept Mummy and Daddy"
— Bo Diddley's advice to young bands, September 86.

"This album will probably confuse a lot of people... it confused me."
— Nik Kershaw, September 86.

TEN items of clothing the sartorially sorted-out musician should wear

1 ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN LEATHER (trews to start; the codpiece can wait)

2 A TROUSER SAUSAGE (Making Music use and recommend the Biff Byford model)

3 BIKER BOOTS (must have socks rolled and visible, Bono style)

4 RAYBAN SHADES (blah blah secret plans blah blah blah)

5 FINGERLESS GLOVES (cold gigs and most rehearsal 'studios' a speciality)

6 SATIN TOUR JACKET (irritates trendies no end)

7 READY-SWEAT-SOAKED TOWEL (for roadie to throw over you as you come off-stage to 'prepare' for encore)

8 RICK WAKEMAN'S CAPE (one previous owner, but heavy mileage)

9 KORG T-SHIRT (for Roland demonstrations)

10 A NICE FROCK (to show we're not sexist, oh no)

TEN stage moments to learn

1 CASUALLY RESTING BOOT ON MONITOR
(instantly cutting its treble response)

2 STATUS QUO HEADS DOWN NO-NONSENSE
(rocking with curly leads optional here)

3 SLIDE ACROSS THE STAGE ON KNEES
(being careful not to ignite them)

4 GETTING LOST IN THE DRY ICE
(then coughing a lot)

5 EXPOSING YOURSELF (easy)

6 JUST MAKING IT WHEN YOU LEAP UP ON TO THE RISER
(in order to encourage your drum machine to greater things)

7 MIKE HELD OUT TO AUDIENCE, OTHER HAND CUPPED TO EAR
("You can do better than that!" etc)

8 NOT QUITE GOING OFF-STAGE AT THE END OF THE SET, VISIBLY
(thus anticipating the 'surprise' encore)

9 CLIMBING UP THE LIGHTING RIG
(never to be seen again)

10 SPECTACULAR ELECTROCUTION
(one use only)

"Age doesn't come into it at all, the hard side is the mental side... the travelling, the hanging about in hotels, hanging about backstage, that's what does me in."
— Rick Parfitt on touring at 40, December '86.

"I wanted to use the Chamberlain [Mellotron-ish] more but basically it was in very, very bad repair. We had to clear dead mice out of it."
— Andy Partridge, December '86.

"I don't think record companies always know exactly what's wrong with a tape that's given to them, they just know there's something about it they don't like."
— William Orbit, Torchsong, January '87.

"I used to stand in front of the mirror playing a cricket bat rather than posing around singing."
— Biff Byford, September '86.

"The weakest thing about a new group is their inability to run their own careers, be it management, admin, accounts and all that."
— The Edge, October '86.

"If you just look like you don't care, then they think you don't care, and they don't care either."
— Richard Butler on live mistakes, November '86.

"The actual political situation was intense. I was working for Disney who are not the most fun people in the world." How bad? "Well, think of Germany in the 1930's..."
— Andy Summers, February '87.

"I mean, it's a bit like going out with two girls at once: well, I'll knob you tonight but tomorrow night I'll be knobbing Doris; and then expecting them to go, oh fine by me. They're not going to usually, are they?"
— Mark King, April '87 considers the problems of being seen with two different makes of basses.

And when you've had your head stuck in the music business for a year, you like, y'know, come to a few conclusions about, sort of, what's required.

Based on our own rich and occasionally legal experience, we have compiled a list of those matters we feel the aspiring musician should have safely under his belt. If you can say 'yup' to more than 75 per cent of these, you's on yer way, boy.

TEN songs you should know how to play

1 JOHNNY B GOODE (use a guitar synth for that ringing-bell sound)

2 THRILLER (teach it to your Llama, a well)

3 I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE (have you?)

4 GOD SAVE THE QUEEN (both versions)

5 STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN (including note-perfect solo)

6 WILD THING (In the Jimi interpretation)

7 AULD LANG SYNE (stops fights in the audience)

8 MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE (especially the finger stretching guitar intro)

9 ERUPTION (that Mr Eddie's wiggly business)

10 SUPERSTITION (for the keyboard riffers)

TEN instruments to buy after the record company deal is signed

1 1957 FENDER STRATOCASTER (original, with gold hardware)

2 FAIRLIGHT III (complete computer-based music production system)

3 STATUS SERIES 2 (headless bass guitar)

4 LUDWIG 6½in SNARE DRUM (in hand-hammered bronze)

5 TASCAM 388 (8-track self-contained multitracker)

6 1959 LES PAUL STANDARD (original, tiger stripe finish)

7 STEINWAY GRAND PIANO (huge, white, but not resembling an elephant at all)

8 THE IVORY PLECTRUM (as searched for by the Dumb Chums)

9 SONY F1 (stereo digital recorder — the ultimate home mastering machine)

10 APPUY BAFIRI-DAYA (lead Zairean board zither/Indian tabla combo)

TEN things to treasure in your handy musician's rucksack

1 THE TROGGS TAPE (everything you need to know about being in a group, in seven minutes)

2 DAVID BOWIE'S 'LET'S DANCE' SNARE (the actual drum, not some common-or-garden sample)

3 A (BIG) ROADIE (handy for the shops)

4 A PASSPORT (yours, with US work permit)

5 STING'S HOME PHONE NUMBER (preferably written on the back of a £50 note)

6 A BLANK CHEQUE FROM RICHARD BRANSON (preferably signed)

7 VIDEO OF 'SPINAL TAP' (still with the price tag, never played)

8 SIX-PACK OF RED STRIPE (serve well chilled, get well pissed)

9 PACKET OF SHARP'S EXTRA STRONG MINTS (obvious)

10 COMPLETE SET OF MAKING MUSIC (must include the rare 'dummy' issue)

TEN things to sample

1 A VERY NAUGHTY WORD

2 ANOTHER NOT QUITE SO NAUGHTY WORD

3 A FART

4 YOUR NAME

5 THAT FUNNY SORT OF CLICKING NOISE THAT YOU GET WHEN YOU KNOCK THE MIKE AGAINST SOMETHING AS YOU'RE TRYING TO RECORD A SAMPLE

6 YOUR DOG (BARKING)

7 YOUR DOG (FARTING)

8 THE BOX THE SAMPLER CAME IN, WHACKED

9 THE KEYBOARD PUYER FROM THE SUPPORT BAND SAYING "SAMPLING WILL NEVER CATCH ON" - JUST COS S/HE HASN'T GOT ONE

10 THE END OF THE WORLD